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I need some accountability. I swore I would not gain weight over the holidays and I'm up 2 pounds at least. This puts me at 20 pounds over my WW goal which I reached a few years ago. D*mn. I should have signed up for the "maintain, don't gain" program at the fitness club but I really didn't care about the dumb "Got Goals?" T-shirt reward so I thought, why? Well, duh, because someone would have been watching....that's the whole point!

I've already put most of my Christmas chocolate stash in the fridge where it will stay fresh. (How did I have the willpower to not have eaten it yet, you may ask? Well, it wasn't that hard given that I was eating the cookies and fudge from two cookie exchanges, 2 people dropping off plates of cookies, plus the cookies and sweetbread I purchased as a Christmas "treat: for the family (I reasoned that they were whole grain....) and you have to get through those first, you know, so they don't become stale!

So here's my plan. Three parts:

For the next 2 months I want to <uh! look at that waffling language...make that...> I'm going to give up white sugar except for one treat after dinner. And I want to ...I mean, I will only have that treat if I've taken my vitamins and supplements for the day. (The next step may be cutting down on wheat but I'm not there yet :)

I'm also going to drink at least 3 large glasses of water each day (I know I should get more, but for me, that's a more doable goal). I'm going to do this by only allowing myself other drinks (tea and wine particularly) when I'm caught up on water.

And the most easy step, I'm going to exercise several times a week. This is the only goal I've been even close to meeting so I have to put it in here so I know I can have some success!

(As I was writing this, I thought, Wait! I just baked an apple pie last night, maybe I'd better start NEXT week :) Oh, yeah, I can have a slice after dinner...but then what about the CHOCOLATE I had had planned!?!....as you see it's going to be a long road).

Anyone want to join me?

Lisa

Doing everything

Rebecca, my Amma practitioner, had the idea of worrying for only 15 minutes
and then being done with worrying for the day. (Worrying, in this case, is
really a codeword for obsessing about, well, all the things that moms
obsess about). Sounds good doesn't it? I was going to do that but that
was 30+ minutes ago. I got sucked into reading email. Then into doing
“urgent” tasks. Sigh.

When I get like this the thoughts go round and round so fast I can’t keep
up. I would love to be blogging this. I ought to update my blog. I
should post to it more regularly. (Why? For others? Hmmm.). Thinking
about blogging makes me remember that I'm blogging with a friend about a
book we want to write, which makes me want to work on that. Thinking about
working on our book makes me want to contact my friend and all my
clients. Thinking about my clients makes me want to work on
business....there must be a mouse and a cookie in here somewhere.

So what to worry about? I have a week between Christmas and New year and
it feels like I should do all the things I haven’t done this year in this
week. I simultaneously want to get my house all clean, relax and enjoy my
crafts and hobbies, work on my business, call all my friends, spend quality
time with my family, catch up on paperwork, make all kinds of yummy food to
stock the freezer for school days….well…I’m sure there is more but we all
get the picture.

And of course, what I really “should” be doing is just being thankful to be
here unhurt. My reality check – that all this other stuff is just not
important enough to stress over – lasted exactly 3 days. Does that make
me ungrateful?

Why do I do this to myself? What is “special” about this week that makes
me want to get everything in the world done?

Ok, off to spend the last 10 minutes of quality worrying time with my todo
list.

We're all fine....but

We're all fine. Have to start with that.

My neighbor/friend Carolyn and I and our two boys were going to go skiing
today. Two miles before we got there, we skidded, swerved, skidded, and
ended up sliding off the road and 137 feet down the side of a mountain
(very close to vertical, no exaggeration), rolling once or twice and
landing upside down hanging by our seatbelts. Luckily there was a ton of
snow so it slowed us down a bit and the slide was very soft for going over
a cliff.

We were going slow (less than 30) uphill; the road seemed fine (wet and
slushy) and there must have been ice but the people behind us,who stopped
abruptly when they saw us go over, didn't notice any loss of traction. We
think the tires were bad or something went wrong with the 4 wheel drive.

No-one was even hurt which was pretty miraculous. The children both had
booster seats (despite being way over the age requirements for
Colorado). Somehow the ski boots which ended up in the front on the
windshield didn't whack anyone. We were able to unbuckle everyone from the
"ceiling" and the power windows still worked and one door opened. The many
people who stopped were incredible and formed a chain up the steep side of
the hill and got us up and into a warm car. Sorting it out took most
the rest of the day but we are all safe and sound at home.

I'm so thankful that I chose to put in the booster seat even though Alex is
almost at its weight limit (otherwise he likely would have slipped down
under until the seatbelt was on his belly, since his legs aren't long
enough for SUV seats), that I anchored the booster in, that we stopped to
put up Ben's headrest to the right height, that we made Ben sit up straight
instead of laying down for a nap. I'm thankful that someone saw it (and
that the first thing the witness told us after finding out we were OK was
that the car was stable and wouldn't go anywhere). I guess I have
something to put in our holiday letters now....

Please, everyone, don't get lazy with safety. Over 80% of carseats are
installed incorrectly (usually not tight enough - if you can wiggle it more
than an inch or two side to side, you may need to put your whole weight in
it and tighten it). IIRC, children should be in boosters until their legs
fold at the seat edge without pulling them forward and until the seatbelt
rests across their shoulder. Anchor seats and boosters if you can (the one
that wasn't anchored slipped out from under the child when we rolled, but
he was OK). And drive safe this season,

Lisa S

An 8 Year Old's Take on Rewards

My son (8) has had to do vision therapy for the last few months. VT involves weekly appts with a therapist and daily exercises. Last summer, we did a short amount and it helped for a while but then his eyes reverted. He went from reading chapter books to not even reading signs and labels. Not something that really works in 3rd grade. The research I did indicated it wouldn't just resolve itself. Much as we all hated the boring exercises, we chose to put him back in, and this time do the full course so that he wouldn't have to do it again. (The exercises strengthen underused muscles in the eyes, and once the muscles are strong the exercises have to be repeated until the brain uses those muscles automatically so they don't revert to old patterns).

We tried games (puppy school, seeing eye dog school, etc), we tried explanations, etc. We switched to a more flexible therapist, and used a computer program that isn't quite as boring as the paper exercises. We did everything we could to make it a positive experience. What it came down to, is these are *very* hard (they are hard even for adults), yet if they aren't done, my $80 / week is wasted and he won't be able to read. Finally I decided that much as I dislike rewards, this is not a long-term behavior that I'm trying to reinforce, and the positives outweighed the negatives. So I tied the exercises (minute for minute time earned) with his favorite, adored, computer game. Of course after a while I had to up the ante (double minutes for the hardest exercises), which is expected with rewards. Lately he has been not choosing to do them even for the incentive so I've had to restrict other activities until the exercises are done as well (also expected). Not ideal but not awful either I guess, given the alternatives.

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow he will be completely finished with the program. (Note - Though he knows I teach it, I've never explained positive discipline to him. I've probably explained it to others in front of him, but even that I can't remember much of...and I'm pretty sure the disadvantages of rewards has never come up). So here is his take on the situation today:

(whiny, tired, voice) "Mom, offering to reward your child for doing something they really don't want to do ISN'T positive discipline. Because then, they only have the choice of doing the thing they really don't want to do, or not getting the thing they really do want to do. That's not really a choice and then that makes them feel bad! And that is NOT positive discipline! So I know you like positive discipline. So why do I have to do them?"

He was kind of right, what could I say? Yet they still needed to be done.

I went and got some crackers and called, "Come here boy! Dog biscuits!!" and we got them done. Whew.

A blog failure!

So you can tell from the date of my last entry - I'm a blog failure!! I started a blog and then never wrote in it! This reminds me of high school when I would get a new journal, write, "July 19th...nothing much happened today" and so on for a few days, and then never write in it again.

Thank goodness there haven't been any comments that I didn't see. There must be a way to get notifications of changes through email.

Sigh. For someone that prides herself on technical savvy I'm embarrassed.

Nothing much happened today.

Weight - obsession or proper health management?

I would really like to lose weight (again). (I say this as I have my second cup of sweetened tea, with a side of the peach cobbler I made last night, knowing full well that I was the one that would end up eating most of it...but I figured, hey, I used fructose instead of sugar, that's got to count for something?).

I started this blog in order to get real about why I'm struggling with weight loss (ok, and it was a fun new thing to start, so perhaps there was a tiny bit of procrastination in there?). A couple of years ago, I joined WW and got down to a goal weight that I and my doctor were comfortable with. She told me not to go too low because I needed the hormone production since we have been trying for a second child - yeay, what a great excuse to latch onto! Anyway, if you like, you can see my before/after pictures and read about that journey, though it is old now.

However, since then, my weight has crept up...5...10...15 pounds. It's not a constant climb...I think I'm doing fine, maintaining at a weight, though it might not be the one I want, but at least I'm maintaining, and then boom! Life happens. Vacation, fertility drugs (well, not really but that's the simple explanation) , stress, and I'm up a pound. I figure, well, it's just a pound or two...I just need to eat better for a little while and it will come off...and part of it does, but at the end of the year the totals don't lie.

So then I justify to myself that this is just a cultural obsession; I'm reasonably healthy and shouldn't buy into this whole focus on weight. I justify that I am a Busy Woman. I have enough on my plate. And anyway, it just doesn't seem fair that I have to worry about this with all of the other stuff I worry about! I work hard, I deserve my peach cobbler!

However, when I really connect with my own goals, my sense of self, this is something I want to do. It may be an obsession, but gosh darn, it is my obsession. I deserve to be able to go after my goals and be successful at them. It's not a judgment of anyone else's goals and priorities. And my life isn't happening to me. I don't want to be a victim of my own life - I want to be the owner, the leader.

So, I'm going to stop whining and do, or not do. Each day, each bite, is a choice I make. I may not make the same choice each time, but I have choice. I know I won't do this alone and will need help along the way. So the next time I start whining, send me back to this post, OK?

I feel like I'm late

This is my first blog entry ever. For someone that has been involved with (and addicted to :) the internet since before it was common place or even a "phenomena", as well as someone that never is lacking in things to say, it feels strange to be getting into blogging so late! But here I am.

There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head right now. My life feels so full, and there are so many threads of interest that I would like to follow - like a big pot of spaghetti, all interwined and messy. I can't help but wonder, do others pack their lives this full and then agonize about how they can't get enough done? Because, let's be honest. I've done this to myself.

I do love my life. I enjoy trying (ok, starting!) new things; I love to be busy. I just frequently have this overwhelming sense sometimes that I can't get on top of it all; that if I were just "better" (at what?) I would be able to manage it all more easily (so that I could fill it up THAT space with more new things, I suppose?). Other days, I just sweep all that mental clutter under a proverbial rug, and everything feels OK. I enjoy the moment...that is what it is all about, right? Just don't look at the big pile in the corner of my head.

Anyway, welcome into my inner world. I have no idea where this will lead...but that is the nature of having a spaghetti life I suppose.